Rarely getting more than five hours of sleep each night, I am in a constant state of exhaustion. The exhaustion manifests itself in many various ways: fatigue, lack of focus and concentration, and irritability are but a few examples. That was my state of mind yesterday when I lost my Bluetooth. I was frantic at work. Upon getting in the car after work, I saw the Bluetooth on the floor lodged between the driver’s seat and the door. Not even twelve hours later, having returned home from a sleep study, I was again frantically looking for my Bluetooth. Push that information to the back burner for a moment.
Due to putting my daughter through college (yay – she just graduated in May), and publishing Golden Choices last year, I have found myself in an extremely high amount of debt. People often say they are “up to their eyeballs” in debt. Not so with me – – my debt would have to be significantly decreased for it to ONLY be up to my eyeballs. Push that information to the other back burner for a moment.
I live with chronic depression and anxiety. My natural tendency is to worry. I have, by the grace of God, accumulated a pretty vast (and effective) selection of tools which help me deal with my natural tendencies and struggles. Those tools include prayer time alone, regular and consistent prayer time with my dear friend Tammie, index cards with Scriptures and inspirational quotes which are kept in my purse, and a husband who expresses patience and encouragement in spades.
So bringing together the “back burner” information, I have been trying to hold it all together today as I continued to search all day for my Bluetooth. I tried to proceed with my normal daily activities, but invariably my mind would not rest, and I had to continue to search for the Bluetooth. To anyone who would have been watching me, I had to have looked like a chicken with the head cut off: searching the same places three and four times, dumping and refilling each section of my purse several times, checking places like the refrigerator and oven, then I checked the trash can…okay, I checked EVERY trash can in the house.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks: Dee! Stop, calm down, and go back to the source – to where is all began. So I retraced all of my steps from the time I’d gotten home and exited the car with the Bluetooth in hand. Long story short, I did find the Bluetooth.
As happy and relieved as I was to have found the Bluetooth, it was even more thrilling to have been reminded of a very important lesson. Stressing out and worrying myself sick about the lost Bluetooth was no more beneficial than stressing and worrying about my financial, physical, or mental health. I experienced a moment of calmness and serenity during which I realized that I was helpless and powerless to rescue myself. Whenever I try to “fix” things on my own, I end up aimlessly and desperately wasting resources (time, energy, focus, etc). It doesn’t matter if the situation js as small as looking for a lost item, or something as big a dealing with health, grief, or relationships, only the Source can provide the peace, strength, clarity, and revelation that is needed. For me, God is the Source to whom I had to look. The Holy Spirit gently reminded me of what faith was, the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. His Word reminds me that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but rather of love, power and a SOUND MIND. For me, the triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is the source to which all good things in my life can be traced.
During the next situation, before we become anxious, let us remember to not become desperate trash diggers, but rather take a breath and remember the source.